still gone

It’s been about 14 years. 15 I guess. The years are flying since we last saw our babies. The first was in 2007. The second in 2008. And the last miscarriage in 2012. 

Every day I don’t think about them anymore. It’s not a gut wrenching moment or heartbreaking cry any longer.

But I wish they were here. I wish I had my six children surrounding me with energy. I wish my oldest was in the middle like her birth order would have been. I wish my boys had those older siblings to mess with them. I wish that our kids were here. I miss them.

I’ve literally wrote a whole book with four friends and my husband on miscarriage, which you can read here on Amazon.  

Some days it doesn’t even faze me. Other days I long for the moment when all that is broken will be made whole. I long for the days when I am no longer mourning and can be with them in heaven. 

Meanwhile, I want to enjoy and rejoice in the days I have been given here. In the family that surrounds my husband and I daily. I truly am glad for the three children who make us laugh, cry and just generally glad to be alive. They are a blessing every single day and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. They are amazing and I’m glad God has given them to us.