Little Women

Gorgeous new movie entitled Little Women just came out this December. Since my little girl and I have both read and loved the book, we wanted to see it. Plus, she had a free movie ticket from Frozen burning a hole in her pocket. So we loved it!

The movie of course tells the story of the four girls who were growing up in the Civil War era world of New England.  There were several sad scenes as one of the girls dies. It made us both sob.
Grief is never an easy place to be.

However, I really enjoyed the movie for the simple reason that they stayed true to the story and really dived into the characters maybe in a way that when done well simply allows the story to fly, allows the true depth of meaning in the story to fly. It doesn't try to bring something out of nothing or create tension that isn't there. The story is told for the sake of the story. And I love that.

Also, the depth of the poverty, the contrast between those who have and those who do not, the dependence that females had on males, and that contrast wasn't preached, it was merely explained to the audience who didn't know, without an agenda. Just merely talking through how life was.

I forgot how carefree the female gender in the first world nations can be. The vast majority of women in my generation, in my country, have it very well. I can work, hold office, pay taxes, vote, and keep my own pay in a way that centuries of women have never been able to.  Truly we live in a different place then even a hundred years ago.   I:m grateful.

That being said, the story also inspired me to write. I find that most of the stories I loved growing up were about girls who wrote. Louise May Alcott. Lucy Maud Montgomery. Stories. Writers. Journalism. Women who couldn't get it out of their head and thus had to write it down. More and more I find that's exactly where I am. I cant stop writing. I don't know how to not write anymore.
Its like the time has finally come to write.

To feverishly sit and write. So I will.
By the grace of God.

Holy Sexuality and the Gospel

Book Review -

Holy Sexuality and the Gospel - Christopher Yuan

Sex, Desire and Relationships shaped by God's grand story

A couple of months ago, my husband preached a series of sermons on relationships in our church. He spoke regarding marriage, sexuality and another elder in our church preached regarding singleness.
This book, Holy Sexuality and the gospel, was one of the references they gave and I finally got around to reading it this last month or so.

It has been an incredible read regarding how God has addressed sexuality at every level, and a call to holiness in the midst of this broken world.  I can't even begin to dive into the vast amount of knowledge that Yuan walks through in these pages.

His main theme throughout the book is that  "The world tells us those of us with same-sex attraction that our sexuality is the core of who we are. But God's word paints quite a different picture....my true idenity is in Jesus Christ alone." -pg. 3

Walking through the concept and weaving in his own story, Yuan asks the question "Is sexuality who we really are?"  He answers it, "Thus rejecting our inherent essence and replacing it simply with what we feel or do is in reality an attempted coup d'etat against our Creator. We don't need to find our identity; our identity is given by God." - pg. 10

I think what struck me so greatly about this book is that it wasn't a drastic shift from all the other relationship books. What was so encouraging about it for me was that he said all the things that we have said privately for years. That marriage isn't the ultimate goal of life. That homesexuals aren't being saved from homesexuality, but they like all humans need Christ. The purpose of our evanglism towards those who don't believe is not sudden removal of all homesxual tendencies. It is salvation from sin. Not salvation from homesexuality .

Also, he has some profound thoughts regarding the biblical teachings on singleness. "I'll say it again, rether then think of singlesness as a temporary state before marriage, think of marriage as a temporary state before eternity. The presence of both married and single people in the church reminds us that we're between the ages."

Its just one of the most excellent books regarding singleness, marriage, holy sexuality, homesexuality, and the Bible that I've ever read.

His comments regarding marriage are incredibly insightful as well. "Marriage may be an expression of fiedlity, but its not the highest ideal of fidelity. God is. No one is more faithful then God. Marriage may be an expression of devotion, but no one is more devoted then God himself. Marriage may be an expression of sacrifice, but no sacrifice is greater then the One who gave his life for us! Marriage may be where family begins, but the only ture and lasting family is the family of God, the body of Christ." - pg. 78

"Thus, the biblical opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality -that's not the ulitmate goal. But the opposite of homesxuality is holiness. As a matter of fact, the opposite of any sin struggle is holiness." - pg. 52

"Godly marriage and godly singleness are two sides of the same coin. We should stop emphasizing only one without the other.  Both are good. Holy sexuality - chasitity in singleness and faithfulness in marriage - is God's good standard for everyone." - pg. 52

This book is rich and full of incredible insights into biblical sexuality. Please read it!

Concluding the book, Yuan includes two-three chapters regarding how to love a friend or family member who confesses same sex attraction and some very practicial responses. I found that one of the most helpful aspects of this book. I would highly recommend this author for his depth of study, his knowledge of both the homesxual world and the complexities of Christianity in this modern day.  He answered many questions that have swirled around in my head regarding homosexuality and the Gospel.
Very thankful to have had the chance to read it!

Disappointment

Yesterday, I was listening to this talk by Paul Tripp, regarding disappointment.

 It was a really encouraging quote, so I thought I would share it.

"Rather then being disappointed with ourselves for having let our dreams control us, we tend to be disappointed with God and we tend to wonder why He doesn't love us more. 

Rather then seeing the failure of a dream as a good thing because that failure releases us from the dreams captivity, we tend to be disappointeed with God and tend to question 

His faithfulness, His goodness and love,

and rather then move towards Him in our disappointment, we move away from Him."

 - Paul Tripp

https://www.paultripp.com/podcast/posts/dreams-death-disappointment-and-disaster

Dec 11, 2019

Rest is...

"Rest, therefore, is not the absence of work or failure to consider and to carry out a plan. It is work and leisure properly ordered. It is doing the right thing at the right time, realizing that our task is to hear God's call and follow His commands, and then trust that God will be God - and to be at rest even while at work."

 - Sarah Mackenzie, Teaching from Rest, 

Rest is…

A friend gave me a book recently called, Teaching from Rest, about the concept of homeschooling from a place of rest instead of worry, etc… It has been helpful mentally to process. I highly recommend it if you desire to learn more about teaching or even parenting from rest instead of anxiety.



I’ve been learning a lot about rest this year. Most years I feel God is working on a specific concept in my heart, as I am slow to let concepts sink into my brain.

“Rest, then is not the absence of work or toil. It is the absence of anxiety or frenzy.”

- Teaching from Rest –

I feel like that was a large part of our summer, learning to rest. Not necessarily sitting around and doing nothing, but not worrying about the same things we always worry about here on the mission field, or in the pastoral ministry. We left our social media behind when we left, we left any contact info, any way to get ahold of us. And we rested from worry. Most of the time. I still wondered. But it was a different kind of rest.



Resting in ministry means leaving the weight of the people and their burdens behind too, knowing God will give them what they need, through someone else perhaps, or through Himself alone. They don’t need me. I found also that ministry can be an addiction of sorts, where if I don’t have it I crave it and make more of it, because that makes me feel important.



Repenting of that and seeing that if God desires me to minister that He will provide the space. If not, then He won’t. So resting, that allowed me the chance to see that God is going to do the work, and He may use us. He may not. Either way, I want to learn to rest well.



A wise couple quoted this verse to me this year, and I have heard it repeatedly over the last few months.

Isaiah 30:15

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:

“In repentance and rest is your salvation,

    in quietness and trust is your strength,

    but you would have none of it.”

Rather my heart would like to strive. My heart would like to feel anxiety because that’s what I’m used to. Rather, I need to rest. Rest in the finished work of Christ. Rest in the knowledge that God is doing the work. Rest instead of worry.


More resources:
Paul David Tripp's mediation on rest

https://youtu.be/3JZK53z96f4

Another great article on rest

https://www.crossway.org/articles/is-rest-just-a-dream/

Licensing Process

The driving licensing exam here in Okinawa. It has been an overwhelming task since we arrived on the island almost four years ago now. Finally, this year I decided to just do the work and get a license!

Every prefecture (similar to states) has different requirements. In Okinawa there are four tests in total…a written 50 question exam (T/F), driving exam on a closed course for a permit, a written 95 question exam (T/F) and an actual road test. After the permit is completed, you are also required to have five days of driving practice with a licensed Japanese driver who has been driving for more then three years. Each recorded day of driving must be more then 1 hour, has specific requirements for signage on the car and can not be running errands, etc... as the time is specific for driving. Then after the final road test, there is an all day driving course/CPR course that must be taken. The last step, is a thirty min lecture at the DMV.

Most Americans/foreigners take a shortened version of these tests, translating their countries licenses into Japanese, taking the 50 question exam and then the closed course driving test.

I could not take that route because for the last six years I have not worked outside of the home, thus there is no paperwork which proves that I’ve been in America for any length of time.

So I had to begin at the beginning.

Interestingly, most Japanese (more than 90% according to one website I read) also don’t follow the same process that I chose to because of the amount of time it takes to make it happen. Instead, they will pay $3,000-$4,000 to attend driving schools who will work with the student until he or she passes all the exams. 

We don’t have extra thousands lying around, so I rolled the dice and ended up paying roughly $800 for all of the steps involved.

Why is this important?

Because although legally I’m able to drive with the international driving permits we have acquired yearly, they are actually only supposed to be used once. Since there is no way to officially track the permits, there is no way to prove we have been getting multiple permits. It’s a loophole that we can not continue to chance. It has to be done if we are staying the country for any length of time.

Jon does have paperwork to prove that he has been in America, since he has W2’s and tax forms, etc… so he will be taking the shortened version of this process.

So I began.

I actually began the fall we arrived in Oct, 2016. I started the permit written exam and failed it. It took such a long time to get everything figured out, and a large chunk of a day to take the test, that even though I began the process then, I chose to wait until after our son, Owen, was born and finished nursing. I may actually have been able to take the tests with a nursing baby, I discovered just at the very end. But its too late now.

So this year, Owen wasn’t a baby anymore, Jon and I decided to get this process started and then I broke my leg, literally the day before Jon was going to begin.

That delayed everything by three months. 

I started in March.

 It took two more tries to pass the written permit exam, then three tries (by God’s grace alone) to pass the closed course driving test. (To put this into perspective, most people who take these tests fail an average of 5-6 times per driving test)

The English version of the driving book and my paperwork for the written tests

Then my friend, Satomi and I drove around for five days and I attempted to pass the 95 question exam. I failed that three times. 

We left for two and a half months for the summer, and that completely eliminated all the driving on the paperwork because that record expired after three months. So my friend and I did that again with our three kids in the back.

I passed on the fourth attempt of the written test because another friend had some practice questions in English that explained exactly what the questions were attempting to get at in broken English.

Then I began the driving road tests on the actual road. The paper above is the notification of which day I would be scheduled to take the test.  Within a week and a half, I had failed three times.

 I think what shook me so much in all of that was that it just seemed so daunting. I literally was ready to quit. 

This was at a nearby park where sometimes I ate lunch

With each test, I realized that its just a matter of time before something will click and I will eventually pass it. But with the driving test, it seemed to be so subjective to what I was doing, the driving instructors mood, the way the road was in the moment, and the interpretation of the rules of each instructor was so different. Some were exacting. Some were more lenient. 

Interestingly, the instructor who passed me for the permit exam and eventually the driving test was the same guy. He was calm and helpful each time. I felt like maybe he was a Christian but there was no way to ask that question during any of our conversations.

Holding the paper that proves I passed the last road test! 

Then I waited a month for the last steps. If I was a doctor or a nurse, I could have skipped this last part – the attendance of an all day driving school course. I waited a month because the person who spoke English was available then. 

But because that was a month away, the DMV people had to literally create a new permit for me, another almost $60 to extend it for another six months.

I waited. And breathed a sigh of relief at the break from emotional turmoil and constant leaving of my kids with others. 

The driving school

The day before my birthday came and I spent the entire day with a driving instructor and two other guys who were in the same course. We drove for most of the day, took several breaks, and then completed a CPR class. The first part with the driving was largely in English. The CPR course was entirely in Japanese. Thankfully, one of the other guys was able to translate a bit, and I’ve taken CPR multiple times before.

At the end of the day, 7:30 pm to be exact, I was able to hold two certificates in my hand and celebrate that the worst of the process was over. Five separate steps, a ridiculous amount of stress, and a crazy amount of upheaval in our family was done.

Three days later, Jon, the kids and I tumbled into the van and headed down to the DMV, a thirty min or so ride to Naha, our main city here, to turn in the paperwork. I initially thought the time given to turn in the paperwork at the DMV was 11:30-11:45. Apparently it was 11-11:30 AM. That’s literally all the time they give you!

We got there with five mins to spare and I rushed inside. Thankfully, all the paperwork was taken, I paid the last $20 and got my unsmiling picture taken. As I was leaving the picture place, the lady said all in Japanese to go to room C.  After getting that information translated, I realized I wasn’t done. I had to leave and come back in an hour for another lecture. There was to be a thirty minute lecture and then I would be given my license.

We went to find lunch at Lawsons, a convenience store here, and ran around for a few minutes with the kids. They dropped me back off at the DMV and I listened to a thirty min lecture entirely in Japanese. Thankfully, the instructor had a paper printed with all the necessary information in English regarding points on first year licensed drivers. Then we were invited to spend $10 on a license preservation book and a lady came in with our licenses!!!! All fifty or so people that were in the room together lined up and she handed us our licenses.

My first year driving sticker!

It was a surreal moment. Something was almost disappointed in me.

After all that time, I really had some enjoyable moments of mental break, had drawn close to God, had spent a lot of time in prayer over this…and nope, I wouldn’t miss it. I was really, really grateful to be done. And so were the kids. And so was Jon. And so were all the friends who graciously supported me but were probably sick of hearing about it. Its been literally a year.

Thank you, God that its over. And may you guide all those who are on their own through this long, long process to get your license. 

In the states, if you are a new driver, it does literally take six months or more. But there’s a much more definable process. Here I had the barrier of language, the complexity of being overseas, the frustration of not being able to understand what was required, the time, the money to make it happen, and the struggle of my own inability to do what was being asked. 

I’m grateful that even though it was hard that God gave me an abundance of help along the way, through Jonathan and through family and friends who loved, prayed, baby sat, walked through each step with me, didn’t give up, and told me to keep going. And its over. YES!

Choosing to Rest

Our family went on a sabbatical this past summer. Although it was messy and not a beautiful at every moment, we really had an amazing time visiting family, friends, our supporting churches, and so many, many national parks. 

Returning to our mission field we chose to make some time to rest in the future. Two weekends ago, I had a chance to rest alone. I purposed to go away so that I could pray, read and generally just have time to process various thoughts in the midst of motherhood

There may not always be this need to leave and go away from home, and sometimes others may leave home so I can be alone. But for now, I need to plan to have this space. 

Time to process. Time to write. Time to think. Time to have alone with God. Thankful for that gif. Each time, I get alone, I get lonely though. It takes time to appreciate those I love. To see the beauty of how God created the lonely to live within families.  How each day that I've been given a gift - these babies to love, this husband to love and serve. Each day. 

So getting away is a good reminder of that grace.  

It also gave me a chance to take some pictures just because. 

I'm grateful for each picture, even if they are messy.

 I love being able to create and to stretch my brain in new ways. 

I love to see how the light hits the water.

Or how God causes flowers to grow in very random places.

Just like He causes beauty to be in these broken places of my heart. 

I feel Him reconnecting the broken places. I also feel my soul drifting from Him often. so these planned rests allow me a chance to sit quietly before God to hear what He desires. 

Usually though, I would prefer to just run from all those moments of listening to Him. 

Changing times

Its odd to think of being done with safety gates, diapers and sleeping babies.

Our youngest is not quite three years old yet but as he approaches his third birthday, we become a house no longer ruled by babies.

In 2008, we became foster parents to a couple of little girls and from that point on, we were either getting a new baby, were pregnant with one of our three, or raising a toddler.  Lots of diapers, sleepless nights, messes on the floor, throwing up, oozing liquids from everywhere.  Screaming and crying and a lot of stress. 

And now, sibling quarrels and daily playing, running around with friends, and sleepovers, potty training and grown up talks. 

Daily life has surely changed.