pieces

It’s hard to explain. We have been here for only 6 1/2 years. But in that time, our souls have connected with hundreds of people. I have given my heart to multiple ladies, shared my story, heard theirs, entered their lives. And then they leave and I remain. And my heart still feels a bit of pain. A reminder that this world is not our home. I’ll see things that remind me of them or remember stories they told or eat food that they mentioned and realize no one here cares or heard or saw the same things I did. It’s this ever present joy that I can’t share with someone else because they are gone. Not dead. Lol. But just gone and that life we had together as friends and sisters will never be the same. 

so embrace it. Do all the fun things you can. Jump into that relationship as much as possible. But remember our hope is in heaven and not here on earth. These beautiful friends can never take the place of the One, Jesus, who has promised never to leave us or forsake us. And He will be with us always, even to the end of the earth. 

Mother’s Day

Fifteen years ago, if you had told me that I would be a mother to three, fostered four kids and lost three to miscarriage, I would have laughed in your face. 

Because fifteen years ago, on my first Mother’s Day, I had just a week before been through my second D&C, having lost our first pregnancy to miscarriage. Through a complicated three month long process involving two D&C surgeries, my body finally was on the road to recovery. 

But instead of holding a child that day, I had a panic attack. My body was overwhelmed at every single level. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was probably also experiencing post-partum depression which is possible with miscarriage. 

In the midst of all that swirl of emotion, I remember feeling the pain of rejection by what I thought was God’s hand. 

Surely God hated me, hated my husband and I and that’s why we had lost this child. And through such a painful process. 

But God. He was weeping with us. In our pain. He didn’t leave our side or turn His back on us. He is the giver and sustainer of life and I will firmly believe that until I see His face in glory, but I don’t believe God cursed us or hated us and thus we lost our three babies.

I believe God is good and causes all things to work together for good, even if I never know why my body couldn’t carry those children to term.

In all, this Mother’s Day, as so many others before it, I remember first the joy of each child God has given us to love. I remember the pain of the loss. I remember that both sorrow and joy can be intertwined and that God is with us in both. 

He has been good to us. Even if this was not the outcome, He still would have been good.

But I’m so incredibly glad that we have been given three healthy beautiful children who are a blessing on every side. We have seen both the hard years of infertility, that of loss, the years of struggle and now we are able to rejoice in what God has given us. For each of these ten gifts has been a gift from God’s hand. And I am glad.

Read more of our story and that of four other ladies who lost children to miscarriage in our book on Amazon - Our Stories

deconstructed faith

This article has an incredible perspective on deconstruction of one’s faith. Just clear understanding of what that looks like in peoples lives.

Infertility

For years, infertility marked my life.

My husband and I were married when he was 24 and I was 22. We didn't want to start having kids right away as we were in school, but we also didn't work hard to prevent pregnancy.

We were eagerly looking forward to having kids, but weren't in any rush. We should have started sooner, is something I often regret.

in the fall of 2006, I thought I had become pregnant and went to check that out with a doctor who did some basic urine tests and basically told me that I was imaging it.  I found another dr who did an ultrasound but by then a month or so had passed and there was nothing to see even if there was a pregnancy.

A couple of months later, we discovered happily that I was pregnant and then lost the baby at 12 weeks.  A year from then, I was again pregnant and then again we lost the baby at 7-8 weeks.

I was so disappointed. It was a hard pill to swallow as we had begun to be foster parents and I was now caring for other people's kids who had not been capable of caring for them.

We were overwhelmed because medically there was a lot of options, but we never really had enough to afford any testing. Our insurance at the time refused to cover anything other then basic blood work.

I knew more about fertility and menstrual cycles and what to expect then most people do in a lifetime. Most of it has faded over time thankfully..

It took another year before we did a very painful test called a Hysterosalpingogram - an injecting of dye into the vagina and then a series of x-rays.  I found out I had a tilted uterus and also that all the my tubes were working properly. One of my biggest fears through all the pregnancies was that I would have an Ectopic pregnancy and die from it.  By God's grace I never had one.

We eventually talked to a fertility specialist at the clinic and were able to begin using Clomedia, a hormone, to stimulate the uterus to begin producing more hormones so that if we were to get pregnant that I would be able to maintain the pregnancy.

I also did some basal thermometer readings, finding out that my ovulation cycle was off by three days. Most women ovulate 14 days after the beginning of a period, I ovulated at 11 days, thus always being off when I was trying to get pregnant.

And I marked the start of my period like a hawk. And watched each sign to see if I was expecting.
Tension at the beginning of every period was intense because I really, really wanted to get pregnant and thought that if I just tried something that it would work.

I think I made myself crazy with all the different steps.

and I know I made my husband crazy.

I was truly thankful that unlike many infertility/infant loss stories, that we didn't end up in divorce. That is actually the case for some that they choose not to be together. And they can't get past the grief.

We did have a successful pregnancy - our first born, Emma Grace in April of 2010. She was a beautiful sweet girl and has been since the first day. Very grateful for her.

Then began the next year and a half of wondering and waiting.  We didn't get anymore testing, but when I finished nursing Emma at 16 months, I did wonder if I would ever get pregnant again. After almost 2 years we did again get pregnant and although I did blood work, etc.. I lost the third miscarriage at 5 weeks.
Another year went by in which we moved away from our drs and I had to find another dr who would understand the massive amount of paperwork I had accumulated by this point. I was given a prescription for more hormones to sustain a pregnancy monthly. I took every couple of months for a year and then became pregnant in 2014 with our first son, Jonathan Darwin. That was during another move to a new area of the US so I was scrambling to find a dr who would understand the situation and know how to help us sustain his life.

Johnny was born in Dec 2, 2014 and I nursed him for about a year and a couple months. 

I became pregnant with our youngest and last rather suddenly only a month after weaning Johnny. I again had a scare with this pregnancy as at about 7 weeks, there was some spotting and they couldn’t find the heartbeat on the ultrasound machines. We had a rather anxious week in which I passed a huge clot of grey matter. We both thought the end had come. But it did not. 

We went back the next week and although the first set of machines again showed no heartbeat, the dr moved us to a newer one which instantly showed a beating heart and movement inside my womb. Our son, Owen Timothy was born several months later on Jan 6, 2017. 

A couple years later, after we had time to process all the things that had happened, my husband and I decided to proceed with stopping our fertility journey. He chose to go under the knife and I was grateful. 

In all, I spent 10+ years of our life pregnant or nursing with all the miscarriages and our sweet kiddos.

Haven’t gotten to the point where I would desire the miscarriage or infertility again but I’m grateful for the blessings of our three children here and the three in heaven. It has been a whirlwind. And I’m glad to be on the other side of that 17 years later.

favorite books

Often I’m asked what my favorite books are and I usually draw a blank. So I’ve decided to start writing them down.

Fiction- I have a few but the most significant author for me is Lucy Maud Montgomery. She wrote many books in her lifetime, the most well known is the Anne of Green Gables series. But I fell in love with her books as a child/teen and have loved them ever since. She has a way of writing that draws one in. Weaving stories from her own life and just the life of living on an island in the Canadian seas. I found my love for staring at the ocean from her work. Waiting for the sailors of old to come in from their hard fought battles with the sea. :)

I also love the Count of Monte Cristo and Les Miserables. I read both of them too young and it was a laborious work at the time but the redemption elements in both stories have always fascinated me. 

I also loved Little Women and the series that follows and the Five Little Peppers series. 

And of course Lord of the Rings and C.S Lewis the Narina series. The pull for both for me has been the beauty of the journey and the parallels to our call as Christians. In re-reading the Lord of the Rings as an adult and knowing more of the author’s story, I have seen more of the PTS that he may have suffered from and maybe the struggle with processing the beauty of his world and what he left behind to fight in a war he didn’t want to go to. Interesting dynamic.

Parenting - give them grace 

Missional motherhood

Don’t make me count to three for practical side

Marriage - what did you expect - Paul David Tripp

When sinners say I do for more ethereal

What’s it like to be married to me for an honest look at the aspects of how I relate to others

Christian life - anything by Elizabeth Elliot

Biography- unbroken- single best book and most intense book I’ve ever read

He just is unbroken after horrible things happen over and over and over again until he returns from the war and finds Christ and his whole entire life changes . Everything because of Jesus.

Amy charmichael- just to see what her life could have been and she gave it all up to sacrifice for others

Others

Quiet - a recognition of what introverts truly are like.. an incredibly well thought out understanding of the world of introverts

Really helped me understand myself much better

still gone

It’s been about 14 years. 15 I guess. The years are flying since we last saw our babies. The first was in 2007. The second in 2008. And the last miscarriage in 2012. 

Every day I don’t think about them anymore. It’s not a gut wrenching moment or heartbreaking cry any longer.

But I wish they were here. I wish I had my six children surrounding me with energy. I wish my oldest was in the middle like her birth order would have been. I wish my boys had those older siblings to mess with them. I wish that our kids were here. I miss them.

I’ve literally wrote a whole book with four friends and my husband on miscarriage, which you can read here on Amazon.  

Some days it doesn’t even faze me. Other days I long for the moment when all that is broken will be made whole. I long for the days when I am no longer mourning and can be with them in heaven. 

Meanwhile, I want to enjoy and rejoice in the days I have been given here. In the family that surrounds my husband and I daily. I truly am glad for the three children who make us laugh, cry and just generally glad to be alive. They are a blessing every single day and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. They are amazing and I’m glad God has given them to us. 

I will hope in your name

“For what you have done I will always praise you in the presence of your faithful people. And I will hope in your name, for your name is good.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭52:9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://psalm.bible/psalm-52-9

He is good. His name is good and He is worthy of praise. God, thank you for all you have done for me . 

40

Today is my fortieth birthday. I’ve been well celebrated already by so many kind people. Thankful for the abundance that God has blessed me with in this significant milestone. 

Because I’m turning 40, I’ve been drawn to Isaiah 40 over and over again these past couple weeks. In there God speaks of comforting His people for their warfare has ended and pardon has been received, tells His people to prepare as God’s glory will be revealed and celebrated that beautiful joy that even though all else fades, God’s Word remains forever.

I think for me this chapter is an incredible reminder of the goodness of God. He has been there from the beginning. He tends his flock and gently leads those with young. 

That’s me. 

I’m one of His flock. He leads me.

The one who measured the waters of the earth in the hollow of his hand, who weighs the mountains and hills on a scale and needs no one to teach Him. That’s the one who leads me. 

Thank you, God. 

“To whom will you liken God?” There is no one

“Do you not know? Do you not hear? …Have you heard from the foundations of the earth? 

It is He who sits above the circle of the earth”

Not me.

As I contemplate the 40 years God has given me and the many amazing blessings He has provided, the thought makes me realize how very small I am in the broad scheme of life. 

But yet, God still cares specifically and individually for me.

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable. 

He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary and young men shall fall exhausted; 

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles;

They shall run and not be weary. They shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:28-31

Thank you, God. 

Grief

This last week has been difficult emotionally.

My husband's grandmother passed away after a short illness. We are too far away to go be with the family to grieve alongside them. It has been difficult for us all, but especially for my husband.

Two individuals who we knew in ministry life have died as well. One tragically and another through cancer. That's been hard to process.

This time of year is the PCS cycle. Where we mourn the loss of all those who have been a part of our lives for years. Or maybe months.

We really don't like this time of year.

I sobbed in the car after saying goodbye to a good friend and my daughter came with me. She cried, too, as her friend was also leaving with their family. It made me sadder.

I wish I could stop the pain of loss. I wish I could celebrate the next thing to come.

But instead I just feel sad. and overwhelmed at a loss for words.

"You have put me in the lowest pit,
    in the darkest depths.
7 Your wrath lies heavily on me;
    you have overwhelmed me with all your waves.[d]
8 You have taken from me my closest friends
    and have made me repulsive to them.
I am confined and cannot escape;
9     my eyes are dim with grief" Psalm 88:6-9
Psalm 88:6-9

Finishing up this encouraging book called, Partners in Ministry - Help and Encouragement for Ministry Wives by Christine Hoover.

Excellent read.

One of the quotes that really struck me was ..."And because I can go to Him to receive everything I need, I can take what I receive and then go and give, pouring out my life just as Christ poured out His life for me. He serves me (What a thought!) and I serve Him in response by serving others with the very love He's given me.
So perhaps I can even find the strength to unload the dishwasher." (Found in the chapter When you need to receive)

I've been trying to figure out the balance between always pouring out your life, heart, mind, and your entire being and actually having a personhood on the other side of that....like I'm not a robot and I have needs and feelings too.

So what does that look like?


And this concept of the fact that when I am pouring out my life, God is actually giving to me. I'm pouring out and pouring out and then I'm empty and I'm tired of hearing people's problems and then I want to hide in a corner. But God is actively encouraging and strengthening me and hasn't left me.  In fact, He is serving me.

Why? I should be the one pouring out, right?

Nope.

He's the one who is serving me.

My son has this children's craft on his wall...its the same concept. Jesus loves me and can enable me to serve others.

Its not a matter of me spending my life and then forgetting that I too have a limit. Its when I reach that limit that I realize that I needed God all along.  And He is limitless. He is God. He has no end to what He can do.  No limit to what He can provide. His patience never goes empty with me. I am ever grateful for that.

It felt like a release to my heart!!

Unplanned

Tonight, my husband and I watched the movie, Unplanned. Its about the story of a planned preganncy director leaving the aborition industry because she saw an abortion being performed, after years of assisting women in their abortions.

I want to sob. I want to cry over the losses of these little ones. The 22,000 abortions that she assisted in.  But my heart is numb. And is unsure of how to process that.
Its too overwhelming.

I've never had an abortion. But I had three D&C's. The same medical procedure.  Except I was asleep for all of my surgeries.

These women have surgery in a room, with a dr, but still it seemed so unprofessional in the long run. So on the fly. With no concern for real medical care.

I'm sad to see it all. And wish I could stop it somehow.

To educate those who have abortions that they aren't alone. That there are other options.

But I can't.

I live in Japan.

What can I do here?

Suffering

Suffering is usually something we fear. Something we avoid. In fact, my generation goes out of its way to avoid possible pain, struggle or a fear. I would rather ignore that then deal with it.

So when my wallet was either lost or stolen while we were in Australia, my heart had a struggle.
Interestingly enough, we were at a church conference in which the last speaker had shared his heart about suffering and how it was necessary to go through suffering in order to achieve God's purposes.
I was processing some other areas of my life that were a moment of suffering, having feared the dealing with them thing because that meant that more suffering was ahead. So I had surrendered to God that fear, dealt with the pain that was being pushed away and had what some would  call a come to Jesus moment.

Two hours later, my wallet containing all my identification except for my passport, was gone. In a foreign country. And I had to return to another foreign country which was not my passport country.
I was nervous to say the least.

Thankfully there were no problems returning back to our home. However, my heart had been through the wringer.

I didn't understand what the point was. God could have prevented the theft or loss easily. He's done it before.  The cost to replace all the cards was a very minimal one and my wallet (which has yet to be replaced) was falling apart.

However, my heart was left wondering why.

It seems like a little suffering in the broad scheme of life. I didn't contact a deadly disease or have some other crime committed.  However, my heart has struggled with the timing of it all.

And I know others have much worse happening right now. But for some reason I'm still processing it. And I've wanted to go numb, to ignore it, to pretend like it didn't matter, or that somehow I've moved past that, because its so small...

But like this author says...
"We often go numb because we think we can't handle the darkness; the darkness in us, the darkness around us. Our hearts grow tired of carrying hurt and it feels much easier to disengage. The lie we believe is that a full life is a life without pain.
But as we move through the dark, we search frantically for God, not for ideas about Him but for God Himself.  He is there, right past our idea of a perfect comfortable life."  (Nothing to Prove by Jennie Allen)

That's what I really want from God. I want no more suffering. I want nothing else to mar my perfect world. And instead I spend my time mourning the loss of what I expected instead of seeing the beauty of what  God is doing in the middle of it.

Because I lost/had my wallet stolen, we were able to find a friend's daughter's backpack that she misplaced. I was able to get the paperwork for my husband for our son's visa. We were able to get a replacement insurance card for our son which needed to happen. The CC ended up needing to be replaced anyhow a couple of weeks later.  I had to replace one of my Ids in a couple of months anyhow. We had the joy of watching God accomplish all of that in a short amount of time. Our church family prayed for us, and I was able to see God get me thorough immigration with no problems.

So good came from it. And no money was taken from our bank thankfully.
But I'm still dealing with it...its not completely over yet. I still have minor store cards that have to be replaced.
"Jesus has a plan for our suffering, but that cannot be accomplished if we keep trying to push it into a safe, tidy place in our closet.  His plans in us are accomplished as we move into the pain. We can face the suffering because Jesus is there in the midst of it." (Nothing to prove)

I have felt peace since all this happened, but still a sense of perplexion.  Uncertainty.  And even betrayal by God. And a sense of nakedness because my entire life was known by the crook or even by whoever eventually found it. A sense of lack of privacy. Uncertainty if there will be future ramifications. So still some work to be done with God. Some questions to bring before Him.

All this from one little wallet.

Do the next thing

This phrase is so common in our culture today. I'm not sure it originated with this poem. However, I found it really encouraging when I read it today in the devotional,
"Beholding and Becoming" by Ruth Chou Simons.
She copied it from Elisabeth Elliot's newsletter here.

"From an old English parsonage down by the sea,
There come in the twilight a message for me,
Its quaint Saxon legend, deeply engraven,
Hath, as it seems to me, teaching from Heaven.
And on through the hours the quiet words ring,
Like a low inspiration: DO THE NEXT THING.

Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment by moment let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, guidance, are given.
Fear not tomorrows, Child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus. DO THE NEXT THING.

Do it immediately; do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence, tracing His hand
who placed it before thee with earnest command,
stayed on Omnipotence, safe 'neath His wing,
leave all resultings. DO THE NEXT THING.

Looking to Jesus, ever serener,
{working or suffering} be thy demeanor.
In His dear presence, the rest of His calm,
the light of His countenance be thy psalm.
Strong in His faithfulness, praise and sing!
Then, as He beckons thee, DO THE NEXT THING."
(Source unknown)

Bingata Painting!

My first Bingata painting!

Bingata is a very old Okinawan process of dyeing cloth Okinawan with stencils and bright colors.  It is a gorgeous art form and I'm really glad I was able to enjoy making one to hang on our wall.
In case you want to read more of it, here is a good article on it!

For my friend's birthday, a bunch of ladies went out to paint at this really cool painting place in Naha. It was called Gusuku Bingata Dyeing Studio. First, we picked out our patterns and then they laid them out on the table with the paint. I was so excited!! One of my favorite things to do in life is paint! Every chance I get to paint is a beautiful one. I like to play music, podcast, or some 'old' TV show in the background. After we had all our patterns, the instructor explained that you had to soak the paint into the fabric and slowly rub the paint in circles. We spent about forty-five minutes painting our designs which dried as we painted. After all the pictures, we were given directions for a week later. So I brought mine home and laid it out to dry for a week. After a week, I rinsed out the glue and then soaked it for a couple of hours. Then, it came out all cute!

These are the fish flags that fly in the spring for Children's Day

Brevity of LIfe

It's Cherry Blossom Season again - a short 3-4 weeks in the spring here in Japan. The weather has felt especially cold and bitter somedays and other days it feels warm and full of promise. I know this happens every spring, but somehow it reminds me of the shortness of life.

The buds are just beginning to open up and become flowers. Soon, they will be gone and replaced by fully mature green leaves.

It reminds me of the shortness of this parenting season. My children are tiny and ready to grow, but they will soon be grown, not in need of constant care. I need to learn to appreciate where they are at, but sometimes I mourn that its hard or that its not an easy path to maturity.

Rather, I should sense the time is fleeting, my time will not be forever, they will move onto other places, have other loves, other desires. They will not always cling to me, or demand my attention, or seek me out as if I'm lost and they found me.

Someday, they will want me but not as desperately as they do now when they are scared or overwhelmed or just bored.

So like the cherry blossoms, I should learn to cherish the time.  It is short. It is fleeting. And the life they have is precious.

Work

The holidays are over. The parties are done.

Why am I having such a hard time working again? Why am I not motivated to dive back in?

What's the hang up?

Why should we work?

There's a moment when rest is over and work must begin. For a parent there's never really an off time, you must always be ready to work or you are being a lazy parent and allowing your kids to fend for themselves.

Work is choosing to do what needs to be done when you would rather be on the couch being lazy.

When its time to work, I'm learning how to keep at it. Sometimes, I tend to be lazy, part of which is probably is probably because I had a fairly lax schedule as a homeschooler. Every day as long as my chores and school work was done, I could schedule life however I wished mostly alone. which made my introverted heart happy.
But when its time to work, I should view it as a good thing. Our church did a series on work and the theology of worka year or so ago. It was good to hear because sometimes I forget that God is the one who created work for good. Sin mares all of life including work, but its actually a good thing for both our bodies and our minds.

So I should rejoice in work instead of dreading it. I want to be able to see how God has created it for good and not dread the time to work.

Nor do I want to be a work-aholic and forget about all the other things and people God has also called me to.

Hair

Every part of my hair has defined me throughout my life. I have red hair. It s a defining characteristic. I also have thick curly hair. And I live in one of the most humid places on earth. 

Needless to say, it has been an integral part of my life since birth. 

When our family moved here to Okinawa, I had a hard time finding a good solution for a hair stylist as I didn't know where to go or what to do. 

It has taken me on a long journey, from the worst hair cut of my life, resulting in wearing super short hair for a very long time, to a hair cut at a missionary retreat, to a stylist in the states, to here finding a lady who is cutting hair on base. 

It was quite literally a spiritual experience for me. I was scared that it would go really badly and then I would be forced to live with it for awhile. 

But it didn't go badly. The hair stylist was a master curly hair lady and actually had curly hair herself. It was a life giving moment for me! 

Little Women

Gorgeous new movie entitled Little Women just came out this December. Since my little girl and I have both read and loved the book, we wanted to see it. Plus, she had a free movie ticket from Frozen burning a hole in her pocket. So we loved it!

The movie of course tells the story of the four girls who were growing up in the Civil War era world of New England.  There were several sad scenes as one of the girls dies. It made us both sob.
Grief is never an easy place to be.

However, I really enjoyed the movie for the simple reason that they stayed true to the story and really dived into the characters maybe in a way that when done well simply allows the story to fly, allows the true depth of meaning in the story to fly. It doesn't try to bring something out of nothing or create tension that isn't there. The story is told for the sake of the story. And I love that.

Also, the depth of the poverty, the contrast between those who have and those who do not, the dependence that females had on males, and that contrast wasn't preached, it was merely explained to the audience who didn't know, without an agenda. Just merely talking through how life was.

I forgot how carefree the female gender in the first world nations can be. The vast majority of women in my generation, in my country, have it very well. I can work, hold office, pay taxes, vote, and keep my own pay in a way that centuries of women have never been able to.  Truly we live in a different place then even a hundred years ago.   I:m grateful.

That being said, the story also inspired me to write. I find that most of the stories I loved growing up were about girls who wrote. Louise May Alcott. Lucy Maud Montgomery. Stories. Writers. Journalism. Women who couldn't get it out of their head and thus had to write it down. More and more I find that's exactly where I am. I cant stop writing. I don't know how to not write anymore.
Its like the time has finally come to write.

To feverishly sit and write. So I will.
By the grace of God.

Holy Sexuality and the Gospel

Book Review -

Holy Sexuality and the Gospel - Christopher Yuan

Sex, Desire and Relationships shaped by God's grand story

A couple of months ago, my husband preached a series of sermons on relationships in our church. He spoke regarding marriage, sexuality and another elder in our church preached regarding singleness.
This book, Holy Sexuality and the gospel, was one of the references they gave and I finally got around to reading it this last month or so.

It has been an incredible read regarding how God has addressed sexuality at every level, and a call to holiness in the midst of this broken world.  I can't even begin to dive into the vast amount of knowledge that Yuan walks through in these pages.

His main theme throughout the book is that  "The world tells us those of us with same-sex attraction that our sexuality is the core of who we are. But God's word paints quite a different picture....my true idenity is in Jesus Christ alone." -pg. 3

Walking through the concept and weaving in his own story, Yuan asks the question "Is sexuality who we really are?"  He answers it, "Thus rejecting our inherent essence and replacing it simply with what we feel or do is in reality an attempted coup d'etat against our Creator. We don't need to find our identity; our identity is given by God." - pg. 10

I think what struck me so greatly about this book is that it wasn't a drastic shift from all the other relationship books. What was so encouraging about it for me was that he said all the things that we have said privately for years. That marriage isn't the ultimate goal of life. That homesexuals aren't being saved from homesexuality, but they like all humans need Christ. The purpose of our evanglism towards those who don't believe is not sudden removal of all homesxual tendencies. It is salvation from sin. Not salvation from homesexuality .

Also, he has some profound thoughts regarding the biblical teachings on singleness. "I'll say it again, rether then think of singlesness as a temporary state before marriage, think of marriage as a temporary state before eternity. The presence of both married and single people in the church reminds us that we're between the ages."

Its just one of the most excellent books regarding singleness, marriage, holy sexuality, homesexuality, and the Bible that I've ever read.

His comments regarding marriage are incredibly insightful as well. "Marriage may be an expression of fiedlity, but its not the highest ideal of fidelity. God is. No one is more faithful then God. Marriage may be an expression of devotion, but no one is more devoted then God himself. Marriage may be an expression of sacrifice, but no sacrifice is greater then the One who gave his life for us! Marriage may be where family begins, but the only ture and lasting family is the family of God, the body of Christ." - pg. 78

"Thus, the biblical opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality -that's not the ulitmate goal. But the opposite of homesxuality is holiness. As a matter of fact, the opposite of any sin struggle is holiness." - pg. 52

"Godly marriage and godly singleness are two sides of the same coin. We should stop emphasizing only one without the other.  Both are good. Holy sexuality - chasitity in singleness and faithfulness in marriage - is God's good standard for everyone." - pg. 52

This book is rich and full of incredible insights into biblical sexuality. Please read it!

Concluding the book, Yuan includes two-three chapters regarding how to love a friend or family member who confesses same sex attraction and some very practicial responses. I found that one of the most helpful aspects of this book. I would highly recommend this author for his depth of study, his knowledge of both the homesxual world and the complexities of Christianity in this modern day.  He answered many questions that have swirled around in my head regarding homosexuality and the Gospel.
Very thankful to have had the chance to read it!

Disappointment

Yesterday, I was listening to this talk by Paul Tripp, regarding disappointment.

 It was a really encouraging quote, so I thought I would share it.

"Rather then being disappointed with ourselves for having let our dreams control us, we tend to be disappointed with God and we tend to wonder why He doesn't love us more. 

Rather then seeing the failure of a dream as a good thing because that failure releases us from the dreams captivity, we tend to be disappointeed with God and tend to question 

His faithfulness, His goodness and love,

and rather then move towards Him in our disappointment, we move away from Him."

 - Paul Tripp

https://www.paultripp.com/podcast/posts/dreams-death-disappointment-and-disaster

Dec 11, 2019